Apparently these never actually were posted... Day 14 & 15

Day 14

Relationships have never been my strong suit, I guess it's the introvert in me and the fact that I'm very reluctant to trust anybody other than myself. However, relationships with those in need, or with those who lack an advocate or support—those come easy to me. I can walk into a room with a kid who has been labeled as hopeless or abandoned or non-communicative or non-verbal and have meaningful conversation. I can connect to a person who has a lot of dark in their past and just listen. I always found it funny when I worked at Arrowhead that so many of the “challenging” kids would listen to me, and I still think a lot of it is I am short, I am literally on their level so I was not seen as a threat to them, I was seen as one of them.

I am deeply saddened by the fact that I can’t have the same conversations that Michelle and I have about life, about adoption, about world issues with the rest of my world. There are few people in the world who quote unquote "get it". Those of you who do, you know what I mean.

It is a travesty really that there are so many undiscussible conversations out there. Why don't we talk about this stuff? Why is it that people are so happy living in their own happy bubbles and that whatever is out of sight out of mind is not their problem? That bothers me.

Day 15

Goodbyes have never been a strong suit of mine. I suck at them. I hate them. They seem so final. Every summer, I absolutely with 100% certainty needed to spend a portion of the last night on my own with my own thoughts, reflections and to just be sad. I would sneak off to some remote location and stare up at the stars and just have my moment.

In India, I was happy, the whole time. You can tell that from my pictures. Yes, there were challenging moments, difficult conversations and thoughts about life, but that’s life! The crazy thing is that now my brain is operating at warp speed and there are SO many possibilities and opportunities and things to make sense of.

Ganga refused to go to her afternoon school because I was leaving, so she brought me to the airport. She was pretty pouty with me in the car, not so much my friend because I was leaving. On the drive to the airport, I was thinking of the realistic ways of continuing this discovery of India while at home.

I wish it were easier for me to go there, to live there. I don’t really have a vision for what I see India being in my life. I feel stuck between two worlds, one that doesn’t understand me, and one I know so little about and that is so closed off because of being an independent woman and disabled.

How can I help people with disabilities in India?

Things to think about...